Hey everybody. As most of you know, I fancy myself a novelist of sorts. Sure, I may not be a bestseller, but I’m sure I’ll be famous once I’m dead. Then I’ll be the one laughing. Laughing from my grave! Lately, though, I have put entirely way too much pressure on myself and the last several attempts at getting a third novel underway have failed miserably. It isn’t that I don’t have good ideas, I do. The problem is that I have too many ideas and it’s hard to find one and stick to it. (Another major problem I am having is that I am being way too hard on myself, and I am also trying to listen to all the well intentioned criticisms of Happy Valley and Son of Santa and it is getting in the way of the writing process, but that is another topic for another day…)

Anyway, this is why I humbly coming to my internet audience. Most of you guys are way smarter than I am and you are the ones who read my stuff. What do YOU guys want to see me write about? Presidents? Pro Wrestlers? Vampires? Lake Monsters? UFOs? The War?  Take the survey here.

Thanks for your help. I’ll update this post with the results.

Originally published on Nosebleed.

 

Okay, so maybe American Hero is a bit of an exaggeration. But he is one of the last real positive role models left, and he just announced his retirement. Read More »

I was listening to Laura Ingraham this morning and she had a guy named David Levy on who wrote a book called Love and Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships . Basically, its a book about the advancing technology in the field of very human-like robots and about how they are being programmed to be the perfect mate for anyone who buys one. Laura and her callers were saying that this is unnatural and wrong and it puts humanity in danger. I usually like Laura, but this is something I have to disagree with her on. Read More »

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• Bill Cunningham uses typical election year rhetoric and unleashes a media firestorm.
• Barack Hussein Obama’s middle name is perfectly relevant, considering he was only steps removed from Yassir Arafat as a paid advisor to an organization that is run by terrorist sympathizers.
• John McCain does what John McCain does: he throws Republicans under the bus so Democrats will like him. Is this who we really want to nominate? There is a way out.
• Teens protest Anti-Hugging policy at school.
• Angelina Jolie says we should stay in Iraq.
• Prince Harry fights in Afghanistan.
• Iraq Vet wins a million bucks!
• Britney Spears might be preggers… again.
• RIP WFB.

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• Lindsay Lohan is not hot.
• Ex-Homecoming Queen is super-duper trailer trash.
• NY Times Turns on John McCain.
• Michelle Obama is a piece of work.
• The Obamanation is the future of the Democrat Party (at least this year.)
• 24 won’t return until 2009.

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• Chris and I talk about the new ISPN Media.
• The White House wants to spend more on the Mexican/Central American border than the American/Mexican border.
• Congress is wasting time investigating the NFL and MLB.
• Barack Obama speaks in lofty, vapid terms. He would be a terrible President.

Originally published on January 2, 2008. Put back up front for Valentine’s Day.

Dear Chelsea,

You don’t know me, obviously. There have probably been several measures taken so that you never meet creepy weirdos like myself. But you can’t hold the interwebs back! Anyway, my name is Dave Chadwick. I was one of thousands of kids our age who used your name in countless ugly girl jokes back in the 6th grade. Don’t take it personally, I was a jerk to everybody back then. Come to think of it, I still am a jerk, but that is neither here nor there. The point is that you are smokin’ hot now. Seriously, dude, talk about the whole Ugly Duckling is thing paying off big time! Not only that, you’re probably really smart, you make a lot of money, and you will quite possibly have two Presidents of the United States as parents. That’s pretty frickin’ amazing. So I would like to thoroughly and humbly apologize for all the cruel, immature jokes I made at your expense in my youth. Sorry.

Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to ask you out on a date. For reals! I live really close to DC, so it isn’t a hassle for me. Think of it as a blind date or like you met me on Match.com or something. People still do that stuff, right? But you probably have tons of guys beating down your door already, and you’d probably need a good reason to date me over them, right? I thought so. Therefore, I have come up with ten really good reasons why you should go out with me. Here they are: Read More »

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Special Guest: Lani Diane Rich
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Best selling author and podcaster Lani Diane Rich drops by to talk about writing and the writer’s strike. Pick up her new book A Little Ray of Sunshine.

• The Giants won the Super Bowl, but everybody still hates Eli (especially me!)
• The State Department debunks conspiracy theories regarding the Great Seal.
• The Top Baby Boy Names for the last five years are really stupid.
• Chelsea not really being pimped out. (Call me, Chelsea!)
• Chris Benoit’s actions last summer due to dementia caused by multiple concussions.

Super Tuesday 2008 will go down in history as the day that the Republican Party officially committed suicide. This was the most wide-open race for the White House since 1928, and it looks like we are going to nominate… John McCain?! Are you kidding me?!

Here’s how it all went down. John McCain had momentum going into Super Tuesday from his victories in Florida and South Carolina. He had the endorsement of moderate Republicans in the form of Rudy, and liberal Republicans in the form of Arnold. He had a not-so-secret unholy alliance with Mike Huckabee to split the conservative vote along geographical and religious lines, which helped hold back Mitt Romney. The liberal media was hyping him, and the conservative media (save talk radio) were telling rank-and-file Republicans to bend over and take it “for the good of the party."

The strategy worked, and McCain came away with a commanding lead over the Stormin’ Mormon. While it is still possible for Romney to beat McCain, it is very unlikely since he will have to win everything that is left in order to do so. So it looks like John McCain is going to be the guy we put up against Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. Are we really that stupid?! Read more…

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The basic theme of this podcast is this: I am tired of the GOP elites and the blogosphere telling me that I need to tow the line for John McCain just because he will be the nominee. My vote belongs to ME, not the GOP and I will vote for whoever I feel like! Don’t tell me what to do with MY vote!

• New Disorder Effecting Working Moms: Stressarexia!
• John McCain wins Florida, gets endorsements of Republican Moderates and Liberals.
• I cast my absentee ballot for Mitt Romney.
• Mike Huckabee has an under the table deal with McCain.
• Hillary may be a better President than McCain. Ann Coulter thinks so.
• Bill Clinton tells a 9/11 conspiracy nut to “go away.”
• Ungrateful Army wife blows all her husband’s deployment cash.
• Battleboro, Vermont wants to arrest Bush/Cheney.
• Paul Rubens asks Johnny Depp to play Pee Wee Herman.

Last week we went through “Blue Monday.” We usually see this news story every year around the twenty second or the twenty third of January. It gets all scientific about why that day is the most depressing of the year. It has something to do with credit card bills and bad weather. Whatever. Personally, I think they are all wrong. The most depressing day of the year is not “Blue Monday.” It is every single day of the month of February.

I don’t like February. I never have, and I probably never will. It is the one month out of the year that is dedicated to everything that sucks in life. Winter has been going on for way too long, and we are over a month removed from the Christmas cheer that makes the cold fun, or at least tolerable. All our New Year’s resolutions have been broken and we have again proven to ourselves that we fail at everything we try. Valentine’s Day reminds us that members of the opposite sex don’t take us very seriously. Not to mention that it is “National White Guilt Month.” Yeah, February isn’t a happy time.

But what kind of attitude is that, I ask you! That isn’t the American spirit! Hell, it isn’t even the Canadian spirit! It’s time to pick ourselves up, stop being defeatist losers and celebrate everything that is great in life! It is time to celebrate everything that is GREAT about the month of February! Huzzah! And we start with the ridiculous, unnecessary, but still fun tradition that is Groundhog Day.

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The campaign to be the 44th President of the United States is turning into an out-and-out war. The liberal media will no doubt dub whoever the Democrat nominee is as JFK and MLK all rolled into one. They secretly hope that their nominee will be assassinated when they get into office so they’ll be a remembered and revered forever and ever. Just like McKinley! But first the Democrats have to survive all their in-fighting, which has old alliances and racial voting blocs torn in twain. » Continue Reading